jb.redeemed

A Realization

*****Nothing to see here. Go to jblardizabal.com*****

God is her Refuge too.

God is her very present help in trouble.

And He doesn’t need me to be the middleman.

Be still.

He is God.

He is with her.

He is with me.

_________________________
jb.redeemed
email me at jibee@rocketmail.com.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift His countenance upon you and give you His Shalom. - Numbers 6:24-26

Sober

Well.. I feel like I had too much coffee to drink, earlier today.

I've posted once, twice, even thrice on the official blog, and I just remembered, hey, I still have this old one.

But what's to say here that couldn't be said on the other blog?

I dunno. I suppose we should just continue to be thankful.

Looking at the previous posts I made last October 2024... well, I could go ahead and give in to those feelings again, but I suppose it's come to a point that I've realized that I'm loving Maria now by just living my life and not imposing myself on her or the thought of her. In fact, I feel pretty bad that I absolutely insisted on my emotions and feelings, without giving her any consideration.

I don't know if this is counterproductive to be sharing this online. I guess one way or the other, it was bound to come out anyway.

Through all this, I am just thankful for the faithfulness of our God, who is our Father. He keeps us sane, He holds us together.

He overflows us with grace and love so we could approach all these sorts of thoughts and emotions (that would derail just about any man) with wisdom, power, and peace.

I thank God, for just reminding me of how He's always thinking about me, ministering to me, through all the impulsions, and through all the overthinking.

I thank God for Maria, and for the fact that somewhere out there, He is taking good care of her too, and just ministering to all that concerns her, all that she's concerned about.

May the Lord be glorified in all that's going on. Amen.

'..missing hope'

"It's alright"

you said as you got me back up,

so listen I'm

thankful that you were there

I can't fly,

my whole life is tided

to missing hope

Lost in a tidal wave

Ave, Maria.

Spin Twice - Tidal Wave

Rib. Tire. Key.

You’re probably never gonna read this

But I don’t really care

I’m solid on the path to recovery

I’m doing more than my share

of writing and all sorts of coping,

invoking all I can to stay focused

The difference in grief ‘tween

now and then is enormous

But I couldn’t stay away too long

without wondering

Pondering

What was it about us that got you packing

and leaving, blocking

and closing all the legal doors of communicating?

You did it once

so many years ago

before they called it ghosting

And even back then it wasn’t so clear

why you disappeared without a trace

Was it my face?

Was it religion and religious lines

shoved day after day till you quit?

I accepted that, hell, all I did was spit

without listening,

considering your side of the story

All I insisted on was my own glory

All selfish and insensitive and ultimately boring

But again I’m asking,

just to bring us back on topic

This recent block two years ago

still rend’ring me hypnotic

Like I’m in a daze and though I know

I said I’m saying I’m moving on

I thought I’d ask just really quick,

Why did you want me gone?

I mean, you could’ve done

another magic trick with smoke and mirrors

And while the lights come back on

Im seeing white

while you exit stage right

But instead you take the extra step

to make sure you aren’t followed,

You lock and bolt the door

So I never see you another moment

No more tomorrow

And I’m left with more than just sorrow

There’s confusion

Forced reflections and fighting all illusions

Of what might have been

And now I’m not even read,

I’ll even take a ‘seen’

mode

Did you think I was too good for you? I mean, I’m sorry I’m making that assumption. Did you think there were irreconcilable differences between us? I probably would have seen them but I was willing to work together with you till we had common ground.

Or did you just think you and I were too different? We could’ve worked on it. We could have fought a lot, but I would have fought for us.

But yeah, you gave up. And not only that, you never gave me a chance.

I’m not bitter. Maybe sad. I’m thankful and grateful more times now, but times like now, the pain comes back…

And I’m either writing to nobody, or most likely praying, pouring it all out to God.

Maria, full of grace.

You’re probably never going to read this

Are you even there?

The timing was off, and I fell through

I shouldn’t insist on some care for you to spare..

Cry for help for a nonexistent soul

It shouldn’t hurt so bad

So why the hell am I still seething?

Why am I still hoping,

Even if I know for a fact that she won’t come back?

She made it clear

She doesn’t want anything to do with me

All I’ve tried she’s pushed aside

And all I’ve done is reduced to nothing

And all I’m left with are memories of all I thought we could be

And all I see is that I screwed up so badly

That I wish I could take it all back completely

Can I have a chance?

When it’s all so hopeless,

I wish I could say I’m used to the darkness

I know I could say I’m in the light

But it doesn’t feel right

Knowing that even with all my might

It’s just one man moving and not two to tango

What else can I say? What in the world do I hang on to?!

Seems as if the best way to say I love you is goodbye

Seems as if the best way to care is walk away

But I couldn’t gather myself to do so

Nor could I consider just wiping my mind

Knowing in all I find, you aren’t too far away

All I could say is it hurts

…it hurts, Maria

Far as I could pray to see you

Far as I could hope you’d reply, I know you’d

rather ignore me no matter how I miss you

Foolish I am but I can’t deny you

Or how we could’ve had something

I had you,

But I was the FOOL who never realized…

The timing.

I’m out.

Down and out.

The fool.

I’m the fool.

In Vulnerability.

'cold, isn't it?'

one moment, he said he had other things to do

the other, he held her hand.

I only pushed through with talking

and all the holding I did, was to hold back.

I thought I had everything figured out

until the moment you vanished...

...again.

I thought I could handle the loss

until the moment the doors closed...

...and all bets were off.

Until all hope was lost.

And to this day, I couldn't accept it.

Forgive me, Father.

Forgive me, blessed, dear Maria.

Still.

So I'm sharing parts 4 to 6 of Nujabes' Luv(sic) Hexalogy.. I'm really supposed to just share part 5, but (1) there wasn't a live video of just part 5 specifically, and (2) part 4 and 6 resonate to me almost as much in this season, anyway.

...Well, the 'add Youtube' function on here isn't working as well as I expected, and my HTML skills suck, so here's a link... [Live at CIRCUS TOKYO] Luv(sic) Part 4, 5, 6

...and, more importantly, here're some lyrics:

'Till death do us apart and it did

Come sudden like clouds and it hid my sun

My truth heavier than imagined, a lid die-cast in lead

On our lives we nourished

And the days we cherished as kids

We let it whizz on by, but when I rewind

Your smile is the only thing that comes to mind

Your smile is the only thing that shines'

While looking for and through the lyrics I found out that Shing02 composed this with late (legend) artists Nujabes and Jeff Resurrecion in mind... It hit me differently.

Made me think. It hurts enough to think of a dead loved one... but there's comfort found in finality.

It hurts a lot more to think of someone who left, and doesn't want to be found.

'Life is art, a miracle for all to see

I must tell you that you lived beautifully'

Found In An Advanced State Of Recomposition

You know what... let's try something here.

Here's where I started, and I suppose that if it's still being maintained, I should probably keep going - Or, I should keep posting here, too.

Question is, should I keep posting here as I post on my 'main' page? No, I think I have other things I'd probably like to share here that should just stay here.

But I'm not really really starting now, because I'm out, and have other things to think about, other things to talk about.

With that said... stay tuned.

redirect

Hi folks. new stuff is at jblardizabal.com.

God bless you.

_________________________
jb.redeemed
email me at jibee@rocketmail.com.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift His countenance upon you and give you His Shalom. - Numbers 6:24-26

Free From Fear, Free To Love!

Regarding all this talk in the churches about focusing on Jesus Christ, I'd say I agree with the notion - any time we think about Christ, is good time, indeed. It's life-giving time.

However, I believe that in our focusing on Christ, we shouldn't leave out how Christ was and continues to be focused on us, to this day.

How WAS Jesus Christ focused on us? Well, for starters, He was already thinking of us before time and space were established. Darlene Zschech sings what was stated in Ephesians 1:4, in her perspective: 'Before the world began, (we) were on His mind.'..

..and while we could not take each and every singular evil event and explain the focus of Christ towards us in each of them in a way we would understand completely, we DO know that He was with Joshua before a great undertaking, He was with Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the fiery furnace, He was with David as he avoided Saul... We DO know that He is with us, focused on us for us, in all things, even the most evil of situations.

How WAS Jesus Christ focused on us? In the fullness of time He came to us, born of a virgin, 100% God yet 100% man, focused to experience and to feel and to go through anything and everything we could go through as human beings, focused to relate to us in our level instead of looking down on us as a kid looks down on ants with a magnifying glass..

..and in what can be called a sheer demonstration of even more focus, He endured the greatest pains and torture, scourged, humiliated, and crucified - Jesus Christ, 100% God, 100% man, beaten, bloodied, and nailed to the cross - yet for nothing else but for us, fully focused on us, enduring the cross because we were the prize to win.

Oh, what a Savior we have, indeed! Out of focus He brought us back to how we were designed before the fall, raised as new creations filled with the Spirit that calls God our beloved Father, yet not because of anything we did or anything we could do, but because of Jesus Christ and His righteousness, His life and His life abundant fully infused and fully united with us.

See, when we take verses like Philippians 1:21, where Paul says 'To live is Christ, and to die is gain', there will always be the tendency for us to focus on ourselves and to live trying to be like Christ, even saying that we were 100% focused on Christ... and yet, not focused on His character and His work but actually focused on ourselves and how to be like Him when that is clearly not the focus we ought to have.

We quote John the Baptist and we applaud people who say what he said in John 3:30, that we decrease, and Christ increases.. which may be okay, sure; but it's just that we're focusing on our decreasing.

What I'm trying to say here is that if we were to preach on focus on the Lord Jesus Christ, we simply cannot choose what we ought to focus on, as if His life was a lesson plan where we could pick and choose what we wanted in a given day; No, if we say that we should focus on Christ, this AUTOMATICALLY includes His focus on us which was established before we had the thought and capacity of focusing on Him!

Let us enjoy Christ and all He has done... that's an order! Because we wouldn't be able to love the unlovable until we realize how He loved us with a perfect and everlasting love; Consequently, we wouldn't be able to love with such focus and thoughtfulness until we ourselves take in and keep taking in how He was so absolutely focused and filled with thoughts towards us!

Christ was focused on us and continues to be focused on us; He was free to focus on us, even as He walked with us in this reality and in this world, because He knew that despite His being 100% man, He was confident in His inseparable union with His Father..

We, consequently, are free from fear of thinking that God isn't with us because we don't feel it - Take note, Christ, while being surrounded by Lazarus' relatives, in an atmosphere devoid of joy and full of sorrow... even in this environment, Christ spoke, 'Father, I thank you because you hear me, and I know you always hear me..'

..immediately after this, He did not need to affirm Himself any further, focusing on Lazarus, speaking with authority, 'LAZARUS, COME FORTH!'

As we focus on how Christ was focused on us, we understand what it truly means to live, and the gain associated to when our earthly bodies fade.

Let us focus on Christ, for then we would realize how, as we have been set free from fear, we are free to focus, free to love... and to love truly, to live Christ.

Remember:

Focusing on Christ means focusing on His love for us.

As Christ is ALWAYS focused on us, so we are free of thinking He isn't focused on us.

As Christ is ALWAYS focused on us, so we are surely free to focus on others the same way.

In Christ, you are free from fear, free to love.

God bless you.

_________________________

jb.redeemed

email me at jibee@rocketmail.com.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift His countenance upon you and give you His Shalom. - Numbers 6:24-26