You’re probably never gonna read this
But I don’t really care
I’m solid on the path to recovery
I’m doing more than my share
of writing and all sorts of coping,
invoking all I can to stay focused
The difference in grief ‘tween
now and then is enormous
But I couldn’t stay away too long
without wondering
Pondering
What was it about us that got you packing
and leaving, blocking
and closing all the legal doors of communicating?
You did it once
so many years ago
before they called it ghosting
And even back then it wasn’t so clear
why you disappeared without a trace
Was it my face?
Was it religion and religious lines
shoved day after day till you quit?
I accepted that, hell, all I did was spit
without listening,
considering your side of the story
All I insisted on was my own glory
All selfish and insensitive and ultimately boring
But again I’m asking,
just to bring us back on topic
This recent block two years ago
still rend’ring me hypnotic
Like I’m in a daze and though I know
I said I’m saying I’m moving on
I thought I’d ask just really quick,
Why did you want me gone?
I mean, you could’ve done
another magic trick with smoke and mirrors
And while the lights come back on
Im seeing white
while you exit stage right
But instead you take the extra step
to make sure you aren’t followed,
You lock and bolt the door
So I never see you another moment
No more tomorrow
And I’m left with more than just sorrow
There’s confusion
Forced reflections and fighting all illusions
Of what might have been
And now I’m not even read,
I’ll even take a ‘seen’
mode
No
Did you think I was too good for you? I mean, I’m sorry I’m making that assumption. Did you think there were irreconcilable differences between us? I probably would have seen them but I was willing to work together with you till we had common ground.
Or did you just think you and I were too different? We could’ve worked on it. We could have fought a lot, but I would have fought for us.
But yeah, you gave up. And not only that, you never gave me a chance.
I’m not bitter. Maybe sad. I’m thankful and grateful more times now, but times like now, the pain comes back…
And I’m either writing to nobody, or most likely praying, pouring it all out to God.
Maria, full of grace.
You’re probably never going to read this
Are you even there?
The timing was off, and I fell through
I shouldn’t insist on some care for you to spare..
_________________________
jb.redeemed
email me at jibee@rocketmail.com.
May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift His countenance upon you and give you His Shalom. - Numbers 6:24-26