Yesterday I was given the revelation that the text messages between me and a certain special person in my life were still saved on my Palm TX, despite numerous instances of hard resetting. This is the same special person who just happened to think that the best thing for both of us was for her to simply vanish without a trace. Read up on my blogs during around November last year to have a bigger feel of how down I was immediately following this discovery (or 'loss', perhaps, in this situation).
My initial reaction to seeing all these messages led to my sappy attempt at poetry posted prior to this article. It's really funny that if a situation like this fell upon me a couple of years ago I would have been more out of control than ever. I have been known by a few good friends to beat myself up more than anything during these times, going to the extent of declaring myself as a loser.
If this happened to me before now, I would have kept those messages on my Palm for mere nostalgia's sake, going beyond reasoning, figuring that they would do me more good than being the dead weight that it really was. I would have kept those messages, effectively damaging all my efforts to truly hand this anxiety over to God. I would have kept those messages, simply because they reminded me of the better times that we had.
Those times have changed. The difference between then and now is that I have a more dependable foundation to stand upon. I used to lean on what I would have called my ideals, my principles. This illusion ushered in the painful lesson that anything human or derived from human reasoning is ultimately fallible.
Funny how I used to just lash out and wallow in self pity whenever a flashback occurs. Nowadays these events usher in opportunities to pray. At this age and time, it seems as if that's the best and only option to take.
Let me advise anyone who feels low to pray. Pray pray pray. It helps.
God bless you.