I've got a few days left till the big 30. Throughout this month I've struggled with what I need to have in my head when the time comes. I thought I'd have a good grasp of details of what I can do good, and what I can leave behind or endorse to others. I thought I'd have an idea as to what buttons I need pushed, what I have some semblance of passion in doing, and what grinds my gears.
Unfortunately, it's just my gears that have been ground. In frustration. But now that I think about it, it doesn't make any sense for a word to find its own definition... Not only is it plausible, but it has its potentials to be outright dangerous. I'm led to that one line that Tyler Durden had to say, 'Sticking feathers up your a$$ doesn't make you a chicken.' A cat could bark, but it would still be a cat.
Well it's no wonder that I'm frustrated. It's hopeless for me to find, much less define, my own being. For a good portion of the 29.9917808219178082 years that I've walked in this world I have tried to find my own meaning. 'Round 15 years ago I remember being with a good friend in that park right in front of BIR, drinking beer, after an earlier episode of overwhelming emotions goading me to ask myself the question, 'Who am I?'. Today, I am nowhere near capable of answering that question, even if so much has happened between then and now.
It's easy for me to say that I wasted all this time for a cause that was a failure from the start. However, by God's amazing grace, I could say that it was all worth it. By Christ's finished work, and by the power of the Holy Spirit, all that has transpired around, against, and by me has led me to this truth:
All of my being is defined in Christ, by Christ, for Christ.
I've been reading a storm about cameras and photography, but I suppose it's time for me to relinquish what thoughts I have to pursue adding anything more involving that art form/hobby/profession into everything that is my being, for the sake of allowing my loving Creator to project the big picture of my existence, down to the finest of details. Tullian Tchividjian couldn't have said it better:
"Your identity has nothing to do with you. Your identity is anchored in the finished work of Christ."
Now I understand how the Apostle Paul had the audacity to say the following:
"...I myself have reason for confidence in the flesh also. If anyone else thinks he has reason for confidence in the flesh, I have more: circumcised on the eighth day, of the people of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of Hebrews; as to the law, a Pharisee; as to zeal, a persecutor of the church; as to righteousness under the law, blameless.
But whatever gain I had, I counted as loss for the sake of Christ. Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord..."
-Philippians 3:4-8
It's easy for us to define ourselves based on what we do, what we have, and/or what organizations, movements, religions, brotherhoods, we're associated with. We can find meaning in what we say we don't do, or what we don't conform to - but all these so-called 'details' to our existence, to our being... these niceties we prefer to call ourselves... these particulars that make their way to be associated to our identities as individuals, intentionally or unintentionally... ALL these details are flawed in one way or the other, if not ultimately finite and temporary. I get what Paul is saying - Any effort we make to define ourselves is futile, inferior to the absolutely, infinitely superior, incomparably greater value of knowing Jesus Christ.
Not I, but Christ who lives within me!
Buti na lang may grace. Buti na lang talaga na may grace. On Christ the Solid Rock I stand, all other rock is sinking sand.
One of the popular sayings here in church - since we've received and conquered with the Gospel of Grace - is that we don't work for God to love us, but we perform with excellence because we know that God loved us first. I believe this truth is established when it comes to our identity as well. We.. I don't have to know everything about me before knowing that I am Christ. All that needs to be done is to receive who Christ is for me... and every other beautiful detail follows. Christ is my identity.
Christ is my identity.
Christ is my all in all.
Solus Christus. Soli Deo Gloria.
To God be all the glory, as I turn 30.
To God be all the glory, forever and ever.
Amen.
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email me at jibee@rocketmail.com.
May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face shine on you and be gracious to you. May the Lord lift His countenance upon you and give you His Shalom. - Numbers 6:24-26