If there's something I admit I have trouble with, it's following the rules. Not that I go against them directly, it's that I find loopholes to them, and I take advantage of them. Case in point. It's quite clear how God punishes evil, sin, and even the mere intent to sin. Throughout the Old Testament we see countless men, women and children suffering from famine, war, and disease due to the wrong decisions they make. God likened their sins to the acts of a adulterer, leaving their first love to other masters and mistresses.

However, I am also quite aware of the power of God's love demonstrated through the sacrifice of His son Jesus on the cross. He died for our sins yesterday, today, and till the day we are freed of the bonds of the world. I am aware of my salvation, my freedom from eternal damnation.

The effects of these ideas on me are not definite, and that is one dangerous thing to happen to a believer. See, sometimes I am fully aware of the love that God gives all of us. Right now is one of those times, and while I'm focusing my eyes on Him, I would like to say, if it be reiterated once again, that God could have ended our existence a looooong time ago. If He willed it, all that we are, all that we have, and all that we hoped to attain would have been gone in an instant, and we would all have been flung into the depths of hell, to suffer forever.

Instead, He chose to love us. He chose to love us so much that He sent His son, the perfect, sinless Jesus Christ, to earth - As a sacrifice for all of the sins of the world. Let's let that sink in for a moment. He sent Jesus to die for every act of mass murder down to the smallest white lie ever to happen in the whole history of the human race. Sin is sin to God, and the only way to get out of it is through accepting the fact that we are sinners, and that Jesus died as a sacrifice for every sin that would have sent us to hell. It is not a question of good works. Good works will not get you into heaven. In fact, with a greater realization of how this love is so magnificent, I believe that the good works would then come naturally out of a person. Out of gratitude. Out of love for God. It is then that we could say that we love God because He loved us first.

I have to confess to you, the reader, that all this has been easier said than demonstrated by me. If I had a sign to show my current status in my walk with Christ, it would show that I am still struggling. And that's pretty much the other effect of the realizations mentioned earlier. The love of Christ is misunderstood by me, and misinterpreted for my benefit. MY benefit. Let's just say that instead of giving myself to God, I easily gave in to myself, as I was used to before I gave my life to Christ. Parang, "Mahal naman ako ni Lord eh. I'll sin nga."

The worst place a Christian could find him/herself is away from God, but oftentimes we do not realize that we walk away voluntarily during many of these instances, in favor of ourselves, or the world. It just came to my attention that I was too proud to learn any more about God that I went with what I knew, and brought myself down in the process. Or, the pride within me brought me back to believing that the happiness I feel was due to the fact that I bought brownie points with God (something TOTALLY not true - It is through God's unfailing GRACE that we are what we are and we have what we have), making me feel that I could slack off in the walk of Christ for a bit.

So I say to you, the reader, that I have sinned. I have made you know this because I want to be accountable to you, in addition to God, for the actions that I have done which have grieved God. I may not know what I am dragging myself into here, but like all internal affairs, recognizing the problem is the first step in the healing process. Are you in a familiar situation? Take comfort in the fact that we are in the same boat. I invite you to pray with me, and if you want me to help you out too, you can always PM me.

Regardless of how you choose to react, kindly consider starting or strengthening your relationship with Christ. Take some time to talk to Him. Admit that you have sinned, and let Him come in to your heart. I'm not saying life as you see it will be better, but I assure you, the peace to be felt is nothing short of PERFECT. You have nothing to lose by just asking. God bless you with wisdom.

"... 'Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,' says the LORD Almighty."

- Zechariah 4:6