However, a missing piece in the puzzle is trying to figure out the right way to react to whatever happens. This was addressed as early as 2 weeks ago over at church, when they started a series on seeking God's kingdom. What I understood about this in a nutshell was that seeking God's kingdom first - 'first' in this sense meant before worrying, getting all frustrated, and resorting to all other human tendencies - was the right way to react. This meant recognizing God above anything else in any situation. I personally tried doing this in all that's been happening.
I'm glad we decided to have our flight later this week instead of the originally planned July 13. That was yesterday, and if we flew yesterday, I would never have heard Pastor Poppo give a timely and specific suggestion of how to go about in seeking God's kingdom. He said one way this could be done is to consult experienced people who have already been there. We usually call these people 'Subject-Matter Experts' at work.
It just so happened that I met a Subject-Matter Expert for coffee after yesterday's service. I related the whole problem I had with Michel to her. Her advice was to let things happen as they should. But what really stuck out for me was her words, "Live your life."
Photography was the first thing that came into mind when this was mentioned. It truly became a part of this life that I'm living. I remember telling my brother that it was a Godsend. It served as a pleasant diversion to the Michel incident, above all other problems I've had in the past. I've met new friends, and one in particular that blew my other reasons to take pictures off the water. All I could say is that she was, and continues to be Heavenly. I thought shooting her was the start of something, a kickoff for better shoots, for better opportunities for everyone. However, recent circumstances and revelations have significantly reduced my chances of getting these opportunities that I imagined I would get after that shoot. I probably wouldn't be able to shoot Joza again, much less talk to her the way I would have wanted, in the near future. That, as I said, is probably why my energies are returning to contemplating on Michel.
Life is presenting all of these facts to me as more reasons for me to wallow in sadness and sin. God just happened to do one thing to encourage me to stand up for Him even more.
I seriously doubt that yesterday's Worship Team chose to sing 'Through It All' - the same song whose lyrics I posted in my previous blog - by freak coincidence. I say that this was God's way of assuring me that He truly does have all things in the palm of His hands. The tears I cried as the chorus was sung were tears of joy. There's also this. I just came from a prayer meeting, and I found myself talking to another subject-matter expert. After opening more details up to him that I was quite ashamed in telling anyone else, he basically mentioned the same thing I heard before, only with something that I'd like to think is yet another missing piece in this puzzle: "Live your life with God."
On any other day I would have dismissed that statement as cliche. Today, however, I find it important, vital in the sense that I haven't been focusing on God as much as I should be. I say this because I found out that I sinned against God, using Joza's shoot as my newfound source of happiness. I seem to have forgotten that God knows how to make me happy more than anyone or anything in this world would know.
On the other hand, I do not regret doing that shoot. I cherish it. I hope the pictures posted on this blog show one way I've learned from it. Apparently I can easily say that I cherish this because I see the results. I am confident in saying that I will be cherishing this whole Michel incident in time. I was seeing it in my point of view. I now see all of this as a demonstration of God's point of view. This verse comes to mind.
Romans 8:28 - "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Perhaps it is not time for revelation. I thank Sister Ruby for the following verse shared:
2 Corinthians 10:6 - "And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete."
My repentance may not be complete. My obedience may not be complete.
I thank you for reading this far. I don't know if I made complete sense, but I hope you feel me. God bless you.