Pain, Season II Episode I

You know one thing that just pisses the fuck out of me? It's when you are encountered with something which is beyond your control. Something that you have all the power in the world to deal with. Something that you keep to yourself because if you let it all out, you'd be acting on mere assumptions.

The hatred, the anger, the frustration I feel right now deviates from the calm demeanor I claim to have. It is because of this situation happening yet again. Usually I do not blog about these sorts of things, but I just want to let all of this off of my chest by typing because I do not know of any other method to release this anger.

Let me just tell it to you in the form of a question: Do you know how it feels to have someone dear to you just disappear without a trace? I'm feeling the hate, the frustration of people who have no fucking idea what happened to a certain someone in their life. It's a vicious cycle which happens here: you'd like to take the advice of your friends to move on as wisdom, but you just couldn't stomach the idea. You make countless searches wherever you can even if you know it's fruitless. You turn to God to provide you with patience, if not wisdom, but something that's inside you still wants some sort of assurance, which is why you go back to your friends for advice..

Is that what must be done? To keep doing this until you get sick of the whole idea? Is faith practiced in these situations simply by concentrating on what needs to be prioritized, only to be pleasantly surprised at a time you ultimately cared less?

Dear God, am I being presented with another question to torment me for the next few years? What's the deal?