The clock just struck twelve! We all know what that means! Quick! Keep your palms open and far apart at the level of your waist! Bend your knees slightly as you stand with your legs apart! Keep your face in an excited grin with your mouth wide open moving vigorously from side to side!...
It's January the Fourth! Happy January Fourth! Woohoo!
Yeah. If you actualy imagined the scene above, that would be my Good-Lord-It-Just-Occured-To-Me-That-I-Just-Won-The-Frigging-Ten-Billion-Dollar-Lottery dance (Not to be confused with the I-Found-The-Fourth-Golden-Ticket dance). Guess it's too late to say it, huh? Is it really? Ah, hell. Happy New Year! Another year of events. Another three hundred and sixty ...two.. days of banging my head on a table after screwing up or "WOO-HOO!"-ing after doing something good.
Another three hundred and sixty two days of meeting new people, good and bad, ultimately meaningful new people.
Another three hundred and sixty two days of maintaining what needs to be preserved with the people already met from the last stretch of three hundred and sixty five days, and the three hundred and sixty five days before that, and the three hundred and sixty five before that, et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.
Another three hundred and sixty two days of time to finish whatever wasn't done during 2006.
Another three hundred and sixty two days of time to start things and to procrastinate for some of them to be completed come 2008.
Another three hundred and sixty two days of time to be cynical, selfish, pigheaded and sarcastic just like before.
...Not.
"This suit is blacknot!"
Of course, Borat.
Ahem. Anyway, what's the world got on their new year's resolution list? Lose weight? Stop smoking? Get straight with their partners? Stop drinking? Build a house? Stop telling off people that love them by saying they have a kid? Eat less? Forgiving people that tell them off by saying they have a kid? Start a fan club? Begin a gym routine?
Quite a start of a really long list... My New Year's Resolution... rather, my resolution beginning this year for the rest of my life, is to bring God into the center of my life.
If I learned anything from last year, it's that you just couldn't have reason and faith in the same level, not unless you want a clash resulting to a separation of personality. For a Christian, faith has to surpass and remain above reason, not because it's the right thing to do, and not because it's supposed to be done; It's the only way to do it. It's the only way to accomodate faith, and any other way would either lead to insanity or a stagnant spiritual life...
...Which I had last year. The stagnant spiritual life, I mean. And well... A small deal of insanity.
My point was I focused on my work last year; Going into detail I focused on fear of screwing up and losing my job. I focused on suppressing and addressing the fear of rejection of the people who were unfortunate to serve under me. I focused on my own personal happiness which was designed as freedom from fear of danger in any form... I focused on work, I focused on fear.
And apparently my efforts as a human being, as I reflect on them as 2007 rolls by with 2 days already done, have left me without my fears, but with more to regret.
I'm still right about a while back. It isn't too late to say Happy New Year. But I take that back. Least for now.
It's of no use to anyone to greet his neighbor, much less his friend, and to wish him or her blessings and happiness if he himself does not feel this related elation. This could be due to bitterness, pride, grief, or plain old loss of memory related to actions performed by other people.
A supplement to my resolution for this year and the many years to come would be to love God with all my heart and strength and soul. I've also resolved to love my neighbor as I love myself. And damn it, I'm sick of the self pity that keeps me down. It's made me cynical and obnoxious and I'm aware of quite a number of people who could have been hurt by me.
I'm therefore taking this chance to tell you, yes you, my regret in hurting you, be it if I was aware of it or not. I certainly wish I could talk to you in person and apologize, face to face. If it can happen, please tell me and we can probably arrange something. If not, please go beyond the plain words of this blog and understand how sincere I am in saying I am sorry. I hope you can forgive me; I would understand how difficult it is since I'm having a hard time forgiving those who hurt me too.
...
...
...
...
I love you. With God's love, at least.
Happy New Year.