May I refresh you, reader, on the topic at hand. The question was
So... How do you handle change to always tip the scales to your favor no matter how shitty things seem?
May I remind you that the answer I present is pretty much conceptual. I believe people grow, or rather change in their own little ways with every conversation or every time they communicate with other people. That being said, the answer I have is pretty much something that is would not be permanently binding.
It's the point that isn't easily changed. I think that the previous blogs I posted, possibly different in the eyes of some more literal people, still conform to a singular point. It's relatively difficult to express a point if you have to ponder on it while you communicate every day. Therefore, I do not present you with my answer, but more of a supplement to a main point.
I have always been fascinated with chieftains and kings, the leaders of old. The reason they were placed in their position has always been because of their actions, their conquests. Their achievements could be macabre, or not necessarily correct, but they were impacting on a grand scale. Their people brought them to where they were out of undisputed respect. People saw them, and they respected. Actions definitely spoke louder than words.
Nowadays it seems like this is less mentioned because people talk about other things more than act, and therefore one can be respected before being credible. It's a fact that I believe is dishonorable, however exploited by some people. You'll notice them. They're the ones that think of themselves as strong, illusioned by their own self-esteem.
They're the ones that don't think twice before laughing at people they think are inferior. And most often than not, they laugh at me. The kid. The little boy. The greenhorn.
Their acts of mockery have been constant, be it real-time or relived in a unconscious flashback. At first I hated that position, but as I grew I found it to be a disability worth exploiting. I acted upon it simply by concentrating to do the best in what is assigned to me, and be recognized in that sense. Eventually I was lauded by less gullible and more sensible people, and it became a drug I relished in, each action considered an act of conquest... That the day those who scoffed me saw me again would be a day of reckoning. My hatred for them became a driving force, fuel for ambition.
It isn't uncommon that I imagine the anger, jealousy, or the false humility I would expect from them when I look at them in the eye again. Some people have been kicked off my shitlist simply from learning that some event(s) eventually led them to ruin. I would learn that they would start looking stupid, and I would have the upper hand. Everytime I hear of an event that led to that truth I would give a wholehearted laugh, simply because it was such a climatic twist of fate.
Then, as I grew up and got to know more and more people, it seemed like I would deliberately force myself to be underestimated, just to test people if they were worthy of friendship, or if they were to be taught that I'm not somebody to be fucked with. The best way I would describe it now would be that I loved those worth loving, and absolutely dominated anyone else.
The worst thing was that all this time I thought it was Christian. In a nutshell, I turned the other cheek for my own personal gain. This way, I thought, I would get the fruits of my hard labor, and the recognition of the right people.
As long as I was stable and I had trusty people to catch me whenever I wasn't, I thought that you can shrug off the effects of change. The more respect, the more power you had, the bigger the chance that you would have a choice to shrug the effects of change off.
Now reality is slowly making my ideals fade. It was easy to refuse to let go of what I thought when everything was handed to me on a silver platter. It was easy to imagine being dominant
This is the present. I'm slowly starting to forgive people and to be more real now. I'm not selling out because apparently I'm still blogging. It's just that so much is happening now, in every view that I can imagine. The simple life is no longer real in my mind, plainly because I'm living in a world wherein you can gain everything you can, and have one event blow it all away in a whisper.
It can come in many forms.
For some people in New York, it was 9/11.
For some people in Manila, it was the Rizal Day bombing.
For some people in Papua New Guinea, it was the tsunami of December 2004.
For those in New Orleans, it was Katrina.
I may be overreacting. And I may have looked at some of these events jokingly in the past. But I started to stop laughing when I got to hear more and more stories of people getting stabbed, raped, shot at, robbed, and beaten up here in Baguio.
A lot of things are happening to more and more people that I know in a faster and faster rate. The fact that that actual event can happen is hitting my mind harder and harder.
You can work out and eat carefully against disease. You can stay at home at night and stay away from danger. You can have insurance when disaster strikes. You can breed dogs and buy a security system or bodyguards. But sooner or later, that event is going to happen. It may not exactly be for you, but to your friend, your mom, your dad, your brother, or your sister who just happened to eat the wrong piece of blowfish sushi. Or somebody special on a job with a graveyard shift wherein the only means of transportation would be in taxis with some maniac lurking in the back seat. Or somebody special, living in a cheap apartment in the slum area of a far away city.
To this regard, a question must be presented: How many stars are there in the night sky?
The best we can do, no matter how hard we try, is to estimate. We can speculate all we want, but change can lead us to things we will NEVER expect. It is that wildcard, that aspect of life, that provides us with so much to look forward to. The human hope that we can draw a royal flush every once in a while out of a constant two pairs makes things exciting.
All this time I've been trying to address this question by coming up with answers that would cover all possible aspects that bring out the actual result. Life, to me, was like a leaf, being tossed and turned every which way the wind decides.