It's all coming back to me now, thank God. Brent is back in business, ready to use his fingers IN COORDINATION WITH THE LITERARY CONTENTS OF HIS BRAIN to express his thoughts. Sorry, I just felt like capitalizing those words to avert attention and to express stress. I don't know why. No, really.
Anyhow, it seems like a big coincidence that the motivation is coming back to me right after I greeted Andreia a happy birthday half an hour ago. It was very lively and comforting just to hear her voice again, to tell you the truth. However, some things that were present during our last conversations over the sun-cellular service provided phones were also exhumed near the close of this resugent call. Our lines were spontaneous and happy at first, however when all that was appropriate was said and done, our conversation dove into that zone of infertile silence, followed up by unrehearsed therefore bland line/catchphrase fillers that left us both saying 'bye' to each other and hanging up with expressions on our faces which could have been brighter.
The manner of how she says 'bye' like that just makes you want to hit back with your own audibly sarcastic farewell. However, I has happier than hurt during that time, hands down. I has so happy that I gladly went into analyzing and going straight to the root of the problem without any spite-induced indolence. The best theory I can think of is that I was causing irritating reverberations walking that line between appreciated enthusiasm and apparent desperation. I was too enthusiatic, it was pathetic.
Mastery of conversations involves perfect balances in what emotions to feel, and which ones to openly show and hide. These balances differ with every person you talk to. Tipping the balance between gay and non-gay jokes to a straight peer may cause the person to question your sexuality. Saying too much about a particular skill to a more experienced person in that craft can either impress the person or (most of the time) invoke cynicism. Keeping the balance between achievements and flaws to a superior increases the possibility of this person giving you genuine respect.
I tipped the balances a while ago. I was too nice. I said too much, too fast. Had I balanced things out I would have been in control.
I keep remembering to advise those asking for help to speak from the heart. However, I should have told them that restraint and control goes hand-in-hand with genuine heartfelt words.
Don't run your mouth. Walk it. With your hands in your pockets, just laid back and relaxed.
It truly was good to talk to her again.