As I recall, I wrote this during the last semester where I had scheduled classes. That would be a year ago, to you sarcastic 'interested' jackasses. Way, way back when the vital lessons of the Purpose Driven Life were still so fresh to me. This, to me, is a time capsule. I have been evolving since this time.
Anger is not what I thought it would be. I thought I was releasing stress with anger, but with the approaches I used, it looks like I made the wounds deeper. I thought that it was a good social thing, a way to make people laugh - George Carlin can do it, why can't I, I thought.
But over these years that I harbored hatred for my past, I found out that I felt more and more separated from a society - THE society, which I learned I was forced to face. Now that I think of it, I'm not the only one who acts like this - in the worldy sense, I guess everyone else does, in their own way.
It's a thing of self-respect, really - Once, I thought that I was doing something better for myself - hating people, putting them down, and bringing myself higher. But no matter how fast and how brutal I do this, it seemed like the top got more and more impossible to reach.
Now it dawned on me - I wasn't stepping up, I was dragging myself down, and I didn't know it. Every package of hatred that I give to myself that was like an extra feather for my wings was really another brick chained to my feet, in a ocean of prejudice and indifference.
When your eyes are closed and you don't feel a thing, you won't realize you're drowning till you reach that last gasp of air. And now that I'm starting to feel what I was denied of before (by my friends and myself), I pray that I still have enough air to swim back up.
College is over - now real life begins.