Since the days of my youth, I've been doing my utmost best to keep the commandment, "Honor thy father and mother". After watching the Godfather, that became "Honor thy family." But with every day that I learn more and more about the filth of the world, I see that the direct members of my family have their own shares of human attitudes in them. I'm not denouncing them, by the way. In fact, what I'm doing can probably be a reflection of how much of an intolerable brat I could be. This is good, in the sense that one must bring himself down to a degree of humility to truly learn a lesson. Let me just say that the following are attitudes which are inherent to this family that, in a delicate situation, can lead to fights: Inappropriate Assertive Behaviour(Palaing in Ilocano), Reflexive Unnecessary Complaining(Selfish Bitching), Apathetic Reasoning, and, worst of all, Cynicism. Like I'm Mr. Perfect in the family, no? Hah. In fact, me typing this alone is expressing at least 2 of the attitudes I enumerated. Or maybe I have that problem that's been hounding me ever since: I just think too damn much. And this time part of me is saying that I'm trying to think of every possible rebuttal to anticipate and conquer. And while thinking, I get carried away and convert my reasoning to anger. Damn it, I can't come up with a name for that problem I have. I'm telling you, I'm going to die soon if I let everything I observe disturb me. Sure, it's easy for me to think of it now that I'm feeling a wee smidgen of it. However, when I light a cigarette, take a sip on my coffee and just mellow out, I find it hard to make anything offend me. holy shit, I just proved something I said earlier: I'm still a fucking brat! Now that I think of it, all these times I catch myself bitching can be seen as tantrums when I don't get what I want. And it seems like all I could see in life are good things when all that's around me is satisfying, in the least.
What the hell is the alternative or solution to these punches I've been giving myself? Sometime somewhere I read something about a man who tried to change the world but died realizing he could have done everything he wanted with the world if he changed himself. To tell you frankly, and in relation to what I typed the last time, how can I change if I'm so used to what I am right now? Christ said somewhere that I should take out the board from of my eye before I take out the splinter in the eyes of my friend. In other words, I should look at my own filth and get rid of it before I talk about the filth of others. But, again, how do you get rid of the filth that you believe got you to where you are right now? Helf!
Now, I'm actually thankful to myself that I brought out the observations of the dirt I have seen in my own family. See, I've earned a new viewpoint of how I act. And something came into my mind while I was typing the previous paragraphs: That no matter how intolerable my brothers and parents can be, it's still not right to confront it in bitterness. Now that I'm calming down, I realize that even if I win against whoever I contest in this situation, I'd be in a loss, because though I may come out as intellectually and ruthlessly competitive, I will turn out as a rebel, no matter what side of me is dominant in the present time. That being said, if I let that which makes my family unique offend me, bad as it may be, it would bring me down to the level of those unreasonable and pointless rebel groups whose aim can cynically be seen as a desire to have a bigger and undeserved piece of the pie. Suddenly, the patient advice I had planned to give them applies to me: Give whoever bothers you the benefit of the doubt, because I believe sooner or later a man's filth or innocence will reveal itself. Thanks for that, God. And a shout out to my newfound friend Carla who rephrased and therefore reinforced this belief of mine. See, I was talking to her about my December incident, and, in the most valuable advice that you expect to never expect (!?!?!) from a new acquaintance, she calmly and simply said, "Due Process always works. Keep on it, and no filth with jade you when you think you're ready for an Honorable Dismissal." More to my amusement, it seemed that the same solution applied to the problem she had during the time.
Wow. Talk about a fruitful discussion. I need more of those, honestly. Not for myself, but for all parties involved. But before I close that subject, I do NOT advice you guys to start looking at the bad things your family has. Just don't do it. Don't handle it the way I did. I just did it because I couldn't help my cynicism. I urge the happier of you, LOVE your family, no matter how unnerving and disturbing they can get. You'll be developing your own patience, and if that isn't enough, take solace in the fact that you're enduring because it's what God said that you should do.
By the way, I renamed all the links to your respective blogs to their titles. Please check them if they're correct. Take care and God Bless, everyone. Oh, and listen to Mike Francis. Yeah. Good stuff to listen to to calm you down quicker when your family triggers an undesirable part of you.
Hey wait, check Alexa's blog out! Growing Up For Idiots is now Binational(Eyng?)! Click Here to check it out!