A few minutes ago I was thinking about the very first love letters and (frankly) crap I hurled at the first crushes I've ever had in my life (before the dreaded millenium, by the way). I won't go into detail as to what they contained. I'm not drunk.
But anyway, most of these... 'moves' and words had one thing in common: Before actually giving them to their (unfortunate) recipients, a sudden menacing feeling of reluctance would overcome the original rush of adrenaline and good intention. Furthermore, something I keep telling myself would have been, "She might not like me afterwards.." Now that I thought about that, I remember that after giving whatever I gave - IF the usual burst of crazy adrenaline was timely enough to eliminate the reluctance temporarily - I'd find myself overreacting to that silence in anticipation of a reply, which oftentimes never came. Overreacting in the sense that I was actually putting my defenses up for rejection. When that which I realized came true albeit unacknowledged, it actually hurt me a lot more.
Having a brighter outlook on life today (well, it IS an improvement), I further reasoned out that I could have been sabotaging my defenses with self-doubt, or adding to the expected onslaught of depression. In other words, I was beating myself up, and therefore I would have been less miserable if I took on these attempts as a whole in a more positive perspective. I realized that fear may as well bring you closer to what you dread. Wow. It took me 10 years at the least to realize that. And as with all problems, the first step is recognizing it.
Unfortunately, I have no idea on where to go from there.