New Year's Convalescence

Isn't it nice to be reunited with friends you've never seen or heard of for the longest time? I'm quite sure that there are those reasons to appreciate this event which are common among all of us. There's a particular effort that all parties involved seem to take to ensure that the bond between them is reinforced.

God certainly has reasons behind allowing these reunions to happen.

I'm sorry for bringing this back up for the nth time. Here goes. I recall being utterly miserable during the first parts of 2008 as a friend dear to my heart remained to be nowhere to be found. I ran to God, & eventually we started talking again. I thought God was okay with how He drew me so much closer to Him through the separation anxiety. I thought my restored friendship with Michelle was enough at the time. The first few conversations we had were healing.. & as I look back on them, they were also selfless.

It did not take long for pride & the feeling of self-entitlement to slowly seep into the mix.

I thought I could bring things back the way they used to be before the.. 'vanishing'. I was wrong. And I didn't take it.

The conflict within me and within the friendship ensued, and when I allowed that which was of this world to triumph, I was left with an even more compromised friendship and even more frustration.

While there is life, there is hope, and a chance to run to the Lord.. and I'm glad I did. God is an awesome God, and I just love & praise Him for the work He does in my life. As a result of trusting in Him, He has made the consequences of my sin clear, & He will never stop ensuring that the filth I have allowed in me is not just chopped off, but totally uprooted.

This bitterness that I felt was from jealousy & lust. This jealousy came from a false sense of entitlement towards Michelle. This lust gave me that deceiving attitude based on the sins we have done in the past. Take all of this & press it and wrap it all up in one word...


'Pride disgusts the Lord. Take my word for it - Proud men shall be punished.'

-Proverbs 16:5

I was deceived by the enemy to think that true pleasure can be attained and achieved by one's efforts. I brought a girl into it, & I paid for it with pain, the complete opposite of what I sought. This pain is multiplied during the times I choose to beat myself up and take all the blame for all the sins that I feel.

Regardless of how hopeless all of this seems, how much pain I'm supposedly left with, it doesn't seem to mean much since I know that God is still here, loving me and ensuring that He is exalted through all this. Jesus already suffered and died for all of our sins, and therefore there is no more condemnation in Him (Romans 8:1). What's left to do is to praise God, to respect and recognize His power to redeem, renew, and restore. Through this, we allow Him to help us out, and to give us the pleasure that would truly leave us breathless.

God has helped me through enlightenment, and it is my sincere prayer that He continues to guide me through all this, that I may be used in a great way to exalt His name through all this that is going on. What used to be a thorn in my side is now reason for me to celebrate the limitless power that God have over my life. And I choose to react simply by exalting Him and proclaiming that He truly is mighty to save. May God continue to bless everyone I've involved in this immensely.

If you haven't realized it yet, the problems that we have aren't there to merely make us stronger. They are there to bring us closer to the realization that we need God more and more in our lives, through the good and the bad. The more you let God in, the more you let God help.

Continue to have a blessed 2009.