The excitement doesn't seem to end, ladies and gentlemen! Here I am recovering from my last tirade involving being spellbound and speechless - actually more speechless than spellbound - and now with what's going on, a pleasant memory finds itself leaving my mind with as much reasons to smile as there are to fret.
See, some time during September 2008, we were fortunate to attend the birthday party of the kid of my brother's friend. Now let me say that during that event, there were a lot of other good memories during that time, but there is one in particular that stands out for the moment, above the awesome combination of artichokes and parmesan blended into a chip dip.
While the kids were outside roasting themselves silly under the summer sun, and while their parents and the people in their age group were marinating themselves silly with whatever drinks were available, I happened to find myself in the comforts of the air-conditioned inner hall. The community pool complex was not lacking in facilities - that meant that there was a huge-assed tv in one room, providing an eternal gaze at the apple-green couches in front and on both sides. One of my brother's friends happened to find it timely to bring a Rock Band set, much to my amusement AND to the delight of a fellow guest, an obese African-American in eyeglasses and a red shirt. When I saw him play the mock guitars and the mock drums, I pretty much reacted the way Russell Peters did the first time he saw a Singaporean play Dance Dance Revolution ("Daaaayum!" or something like that).
That wasn't enough for him. He also took the mic... cleared his soda coated throat, and... wait for it... sang. I will be associating him to the song that he sung for a very long time. I remember him, because I find reason to sing the song he sung myself, based on what updates I have on what's going on here in Manila.
Should I stay or should I go now?
Should I stay or should I go now?
If I go there might be trouble.
If I stay it will be double.
I find it funny that the band that made this song popular was called "Clash". Though the song itself was quite lively, the lead singer's tone of voice was not to be ignored - there was that small hint of anxiety flowing out of his voice. I sincerely hope that the singer found peace and resolution, regardless of if he decided to stay or to go, since if he had a chance at something good, I do too.
Therefore, with the managers beginning to breathe down my neck regarding my future here in Manila, I ask myself: Should I stay or should I go now?
I'll quote a friend on this - this friend who joins me in having the same dilemma, the same decision to make. "I don't have any reasons to leave... but I don't have any reasons to stay, either."
That doesn't help me much, but when I remember Gideon, one of the Judges of Israel, he had a similar situation, but a much greater yes/no question to answer:
"Gideon said to God, "If you will save Israel by my hand as you have promised (Brent: Now that's a whole lot heavier that it sounds)- look, I will place a wool fleece on the threshing floor. If there is dew only on the fleece and all the ground is dry, then I will know that you will save Israel by my hand, as you said." And that is what happened. Gideon rose early the next day; he squeezed the fleece and wrung out the dew—a bowlful of water.
Then Gideon said to God, "Do not be angry with me. Let me make just one more request. Allow me one more test with the fleece. This time make the fleece dry and the ground covered with dew." That night God did so. Only the fleece was dry; all the ground was covered with dew."
- Judges 6:36-40
Though I am not looking for God to change the weather here in Manila to sway my decision, I choose to raise this decision up to God, who has never let me down in the past.
What's in the world today is simply too volatile to go around making immediate decisions, don't you think? If you find yourself in a similar situation, just raise it all up to God. He will never let you go.
I sang a song that time too. It was made famous by Radiohead, and made known to me by a very good friend who was shamelessly misunderstood for singing it in front of the rest of UB Science High during those first days of the '95-'96 School Year. This is part of the chorus:
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here.
Would I be saying the same thing soon?
God bless you.