"Your inner-child will play today" (8/1/8)
There's something about fortune cookies that amuses me. It plays on a sense, a reflex I haven't noticed I had until just now - The tendency to find and sometimes force a meaning into something, like an event, or a fortune cookie message. I find this necessary when a memory of something bad or outright disgraceful comes to mind. And just like I keep saying, 'I was drunk' is never a valid reason - But right now I'm wondering, can I say 'I couldn't handle my alcohol'?
At any rate, if I'm not fretting over something bad or outright disgraceful like I would as mentioned above, it's most likely that what I'm thinking about has a chance of going through my brain in the process of being... blogged. Oftentimes I would immediately embrace a thought deemed as bloggable with a certain excitement, but not much after that. The chances of the thought actually being recorded on the site depend on what remains after all the excitement ends.
Here are some of those thoughts that didn't necessarily find their way out of my head the way I wanted them to:
A humbling moment - how do you teach a 12 year old that it isn't easy to take shots from a DSLR in a moving car at night? I'm just glad she picked up quick.(Post on this coming soon)
(8/2/8)It's the next day. I'm still trying to decipher what that fortune cookie meant. Though I am trying to imagine if having a Slim Jim with rice would be any good. Does that count as my 'inner-child' thinking?
(8/3/8)It's Sunday now. That 'inner-child' still isn't kicking in.
(8/4?/8)Watch your words. You may not mean things to a certain and brutal degree, but the laws that keep things together can't just be taken back easily.
(8/7?/8)I asked for direction once. If I love God, I obey Him, and if I obey God, I show that I love Him. And everything that happens, happens for the good of those who love Him. Therefore it isn't a question of direction, but current action. We have to ask ourselves, are we obeying God in each and every aspect of our life? Is what we do in accordance to what God's Word says?
Right now I could say that some of my most recent actions are condemned by the very same Word I uphold. I am shamed, and in a situation too painfully familiar, a circumstance that the world could care less about, a moment every believer suffers in - God's presence, God's light clouded by sin.
I am fully aware of the salvation I have through Christ. However, I must also say that I am having trouble in consistency. Let me explain. Has anyone asked you this question: 'If you were to die today, would you know where you'd be going to?'
I've heard and read that query through many sources during many times in my life. I would always say yes, and thank God for the many people who led me to saying this without hesitation each time I was asked.
The time I've spent here in the states has led me to asking myself another question, which I am led to believe is one I would probably need more help with in answering - 'what are you going to be doing while you're alive?'
I obviously do not have a serious answer to this question just yet. If there's something that this world has taught me it is that it is never as definite as it seems. All my plans, all my hopes, if any, can shift in an instant. I've seen many people make the wrong decisions in life, and I have also seen them suffer the consequences of their actions. I have suffered a good deal out of all the stupid words that seem to come gushing effortlessly out of my own mouth (or even through these fingers - I do recall looking back at my earlier blogs and laughing) myself.
We come back to uncertainty, and even though I have presented an answer to my question about direction in my previous post, I am obviously not content with what I am doing right now, in the light of the sinful nature I am naturally fused to. This same sinful nature was discussed in earnest by the apostle Paul in the book of Romans:
"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.
So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me. For in my inner being I delight in God's law; but I see another law at work in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin at work within my members. What a wretched man I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? Thanks be to God—through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, I myself in my mind am a slave to God's law, but in the sinful nature a slave to the law of sin."
- Romans 7:15 - 25
So it's coming out that this blog is apparently a way for me to blast to the world that I am not as free from sin as I want to be. My sinful nature - which I will probably refer to from now on as my 'Inner Child' - played quite a bit during the past few days, showing its ugly face in many different ways.
So here I am, adamant about knowing where I'm going after this life, but quite shaky about deciding on what to do until that last breath. More importantly, I am having my troubles in staying in the Word of God that redeemed me in the first place. This just goes to show that we all have our struggles. I obviously have mine. But unlike many actors and actresses I see on TV (I just wanted to say that so I can say that Heath Ledger did a fantastic job in the Dark Knight which by the way is such a freaking cool movie, so cool that I am considering having my hair done just like the Joker's was) - I lack the ability of chanelling my energies into something I think is useful in the sense that it glorifies God.
That, or I just need to write more. Or I need to take more pictures. Maybe you can help me by praying for me. Maybe I just need to get out more. I dunno.
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I'm definitely sure, it's practicing what I preach, and that's what I'll say now.
Consider starting or strengthening your relationship with Christ. I'm not saying life as you see it will be better, but I assure you, the peace to be felt is nothing short of PERFECT. God bless you with wisdom.
It's officially August 9, 2008 here. That can be translated to 080908. I intended to post this, cliche as it sounds, on 080808 08:08 AM PDT, but things had to happen yesterday for me to complete this blog. I guess this just goes to show that there is value to be gained from imperfection, just as God's strength is made known in weakness.
Ok, now that's just one too many points in one blog. Have a good weekend, everyone. Again, God bless you.