So... How do you handle change to always tip the scales to your favor no matter how shitty things seem?
I must admit that this article may not be a solution to the problem presented above. I have a file saved here in my computer full of unrelated thoughts, failed attempts in taking on that question. That being said, I pretty much cleaned out what I had originally as to the flow of this post, and I'm starting out on a new sheet of paper (or post, if you prefer).
Here's the thing. Wherever I would go, there's always at least one person who looks down on me condescendingly for some reason. The reasons vary per place, but it seems like the prevailing one would be that that person thinks I'm somebody inexperienced, or.. fine. That person(Those people) would think I'm a kid, and they're apparently more seasoned.
Had I found that these people deserved the respect that they claim I should give them, this would be an easy inconvenience to handle. But more often than not, I find them to be a whole lot more immature than I am. Those people I hated like sin.
Self-control(or a complete lack of balls) advised me that if I gave them a direct answer to them, I would prove them right. The common resolution I would do would be to laugh with them long enough to shut the hell up, thinking in the back of my head that one of these days I'd be laughing at them when they learned that my taxes pay for their welfare tickets.
Every time that idea came into my head it pushed me more and more into turning it into an ideal. Then till now, I wanted to be a better person for the wrong reasons. I took and rethought the proverb, "Learn to be a slave before becoming a master" in the wrong way. I wanted to learn more and more to get what I felt I needed to be a man so dominant, so acheived that the next time these people saw me they would either kiss my ass, prove to be more immature, or commit hara-kiri. You may have read how I expressed this in a previous blog.
I hated whatever was mainstream because most of these people I disliked (hated is so powerful a word, now that I think of it) were spawned from it. I wanted to be different, diverse, and at the same time respected, or anywhere above the level of these people I thought were useless and biased reasons why our country sucks. I wanted a Nokia 6230i. An original copy of the Godfather Trilogy. An original copy of everything else I have which is currently pirated. Knife-throwing lessons. A DSL Connection here in the house. A Creative Zen. A condo unit with a balcony in the 52nd floor in some tower. Spanish lessons. A copy of Unreal Tournament 2004. Russian lessons. A regular gym schedule. An DVD copy of the only season of Top Cat. A Microsoft certification. An herb garden in that condo unit's kitchen. All Calvin & Hobbes compilations in a better condition. An original compilation of songs by the Gypsy Kings. Guitar lessons(related). Japanese lessons. More clothes that are my size. A Laptop with wireless. The complete seasons of Iron Chef on DVD, an an opportunity to watch an episode of Iron Chef America. A Globe Platinum Plan for that phone I wanted. Bartender lessons. An Oracle certification.
Those, among many other things, I guess. That's what I wanted for myself to feel accomplished and content, while staying away from what the present world thinks is the rage.
You can disregard that little Christmas list. Ultimately, I wanted to make sure that these people were dead wrong in having that first impression, while making sure nobody else did the same... mistake.
Absolute Social Dominance.
The desire for it is what drove me. That was my ambition.
That's what I thought I would need to get me through anything.
That's what I thought.
I was wrong.
(To be continued)