I apologize for being away for so long.. My computer is still at the Casems, but a lot of shit and thinking happened this week, and I really have to get some of it off my chest, my head, and anywhere else.
Now let me recall. HAS it been a week, or was it more than that, Dammit, the reason why I haven't been blogging is also the source of all my stress, and this same stress is plainly distorting my sense of time-telling. It's bringing the fragile relationship I have with my family to a slow but apparent decay with the only cure being my presence among them. It's keeping me away from the gym, and I'm returning to my past bodily state (Fat Fuck) with every day that I do not sweat these calories away. It's ruining my principles, and with every breath that I take with this source of stress undiminished brings me one step away from Letting it slide to Letting shit fly.
But most of all, it has led me to making a sacrifice that I wish I never made. A sacrifice that cancelled my only hope of release. A sacrifice that compromised my friendship with one of the most amazing ladies I have met in my life. Up until now, we aren't talking, and it's all because of one stupid decision I was forced to make by the uncertainty of one person who we're supposed to believe is helping us get through this stress-inducing event.
No, it's not our Thesis. I don’t call it that anymore. It's Fhesis now. This is SHIT I'm going through. You don't believe me? Well, here’s another little scenario for you to put in your mind:
Say you're driving to your private Playboy (or girl, if you prefer) Mansion, where all your friends are. They're impatiently waiting for you because they're outside the gate to your place, and only you have the key.
You're halfway there, and you run out of gas. You step out and look at the tank – somebody pierced it with a screwdriver.
But, through dumb luck, you notice a Gas Station nearby. You push your car to the place and walk inside, to find that nobody's there. You see a Post-It on the counter:
"HELLO. I'M USUALLY HERE TO HELP ANYBODY WHO NEEDS REPAIRS OR GAS, BUT SINCE IT'S YOU WHO NEEDS MY HELP, I TOOK ALL THE GAS AND TOOLS HERE AND WENT AWAY KNOWING THAT YOU HAVE TO WAIT FOR ME INDEFINITELY."
..
Now, how would you react? Initially I was thinking of tearing the note up in anger, emptying a bottle of Goldschlager with a pack of Reds, and taking the M72 Gauss Rifle conveniently stashed in my car to go on an asshole-hunt.
But then, I realized I'd be giving in to a lower and more pathetic human reaction, and I'd be bringing myself down to the level of the asshole. Why should I risk more than what this situation has compromised?
That being said, I wrote this down as a plea to all the people I've ignored due to our thesis.
Michelle, Loi, Bogs, and Che, let's meet up and have an old-times-sake drink.
Michelle and Loi, let's meet up again and have an older-times-sake drink.
John Michael, Nicole, Kurt, and Kat, I wouldn't really go for beer right away considering how long we haven’t seen each other, but what the hell.
Bobby, Perry, Dalusung, etc., I'll meet up with you guys soon.
Jovic and Glen, stay sane. We still have a lot to talk about..
...and anyone else who misses me, I miss you guys too.
I saved the most affected ones for the last greeting. Andreia Kim, and the rest of the APC, you've all been very supportive in your own individual ways during this crap, and I hope you all understand this trial I'm going through. I'm sorry for the frustration I caused... And I will see you guys soon, regardless of how insignificant I may seem. I promise. Yes, Again. I pray for all of you every day, and I have faith the God is slowly working with you guys.
I'm finishing this thesis, and I pray that all of you have the patience to wait outside my Playboy Mansion.
Oh, and to the Gas Station Attendant, I forgive you. In all earnest, I do.
Later.